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How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
(too late--they just finished)
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
How would I know?--I am always unaware of when they come do this!
How many automaticity/priming researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one and they take under 500 ms to do so! In fact, if they take longer than 200 ms, they begin to get really insecure, worrying about whether they really did it effortlessly or not?!
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
I decided not to use them…I looked their advert up in the phone book, and it said "We can change your bulbs effortlessly (that part was good), uncontrollably (not sure what to make of that!), and without you even being aware of it"--since I VERY MUCH wanted to be 'aware of it', I decided to try some the rival 'Control Freaks R Us' firm, in spite of how they always huff n' puff so loudly on the job (show offs)….
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
They will not tell you when you ask--they said something about 'the less you know about us, the better we work' (sounds like organized crime, if you ask me!)
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
I was afraid to find out! I rode by their office this morning, and their sign said "When we see a burned-out light bulb, we get uncontrollably ballistic!"…I sped by, hoping they didn't even get my car tag number…Would YOU invite somebody like that into YOUR house? I didn't THINK so…
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
One,
if he or she makes an implementation intention; three otherwise…
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but I have discovered a fascinating way to speed them up slightly. If I can convince them that the bulb is somehow 'bad', their arm shoots up to push it away, and then (500ms later) they realize their hand is almost on the bulb and they continue the motions… then, after they have unscrewed the bulb, I tell them "I have changed my mind--the broken bulb is actually GOOD", and they instinctively pull the bulb toward them faster! Amazing, I almost have these folks trained right… see, I didn’t forget ALL of my training under Pavlov…
How many priming researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes them ALMOST FOREVER to do it…the last one wasted THREE DAYS flashing pictures of corkscrews, merry-go-rounds in reverse motion, balls rolling uphill, etc--trying to prime the bulb to automatically unscrew itself! I have tried three firms so far, and they all try this procedure for a couple of days…and when I finally express my impatience, they grumble/mumble something about 'individual differences' and physically remove the bulb.
How many priming researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many automaticity/priming researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, and I have noticed they work faster if a weapon is visible in my hand…I must be accidentally subliminally priming some kind of achievement goal...(smile)
How many automaticity/stereotyping researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
One only, but I have learned to hide my pictures of Grandma before they come--otherwise, the task seems to take TWICE as long…?
How many automaticity researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only
one normal one, but if you get those who quote somebody named "Dennett",
they MIGHT get frozen-stuck in some kind of 'stance' (they call it)…The
last one was stationary for about 20 minutes in my living room before I
asked her if she intended to finish changing the bulb, but she only said
something like "NO, but I am in an intentional stance about it…"…I had
to call my neighbors over to help pick her up and put her out on the front
yard…
How
many false-memory researchers
does it take to change a light bulb?
I wish I knew--they come
in here and always end up implanting false bulbs, instead of real ones!
How
many false-memory researchers does
it take to change a light bulb?
Not sure...when the show
up for the job, they offer me money to let them see if they can implant
in me a false memory of the bulb ALREADY HAVING BEEN CHANGED (they call
it 'laboratory research'). I need the cash, so I'm on my 25th set of researchers...as
long as I don't need to use the room the burned-out bulb is in, it's fine...but
hey, business is business, eh? (smile)
How
many false-memory researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Haven't gotten that far
in the process yet--when they show up, they start asking questions about
the situation, and after a while (they mutter something like 'retention
interval' while I am trying to remember) I am not sure if the bulb is REALLY
burned out, what room and house it was in, when it allegedly burned out...When
I finally mutter something along the lines of "These are not the droids
we're looking for", they smile profusely and leave...and leave me confused
again, until I try to find the broom in the closet--then reality sets back
in again.
How
many false-memory researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know...I called
one recently to come over, but the receptionist said he had apparently
gotten lost in a shopping mall. She didn't know how long ago it was, and
actually wasn't sure what his name was any more, but she could describe
his feelings quite vividly...Maybe I'll run into them when I go buy the
bulb MYSELF at the mall tomorrow!
How
many false-memory researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't want to find out--I
have never met one, but I JUST KNOW they all have criminal records (or
soon will have)!
How
many false-memory researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, I thought I knew that
the answer to this question was 1, but then I realized that my answer was
based on my memories of the last 20 bulb-changing experiences. And that
means that I could be making source attribution errors and that I am ALL
WRONG...so I no longer know...(Oops, I have also assumed that bulbs CAN
BE CHANGED on the basis of the same memories--!!!--maybe I am stuck in
the dark for good now..."OOO NOOO, Sluggo")
How
many false-memory researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
They told me that they actually
couldn't do it, but they offered to help me by building associative links
between "brightness" and the room in question. That way, as long as I wasn't
actually IN THE ROOM during darkness, that my memory would 'average out'
the memories and that I would feel confident (most of the time) that the
bulb wasn't burned out at all...They also gave me a little penlight to
use when reality intruded again...sigh
How
many false-memory researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't remember--I had
some of them do it several years ago (I vaguely remember), but the experience
obviously wasn't emotionally exciting enough for me to remember...
How
many Daniel
Dennett's does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on how many versions
of the light bulb there are, matched up with the number of versions of
Dennett...
How
many David Chalmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Whoa! Now THAT's a hard
problem!
How
many David Chalmers does it take to change a light bulb (version 2)?
I am not sure we can even
APPROACH the light bulb with the existing tools...we will need to develop
different sorts of human limbs for that probably...
How
many Roger Penrose's does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know the exact number,
but I am sure it must be some rather elegant prime...
How
many zombies does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but I am sure
it does it differently than we do.
How
many Strong Cartesian Dualists does it take to change a light bulb?
I am not sure they actually
can. I had 12 of them in here yesterday trying it, but even with all dozen
of them standing on each other's shoulders, they STILL couldn't reach the
light bulb!
How
many epiphenomenalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one--and all he or
she has to do is to rearrange the furniture on the floor.
How
many eliminative
materialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, I am afraid to
ask them. The whole lot of them went outside last week, started a parade
in which they were carrying signs like "I've lost my mind and I am PROUD
of it" and "I've never had a mind ever" and "I am completely mind-less;
just ask my colleagues"...would YOU feel safe approaching such a group?...I
didn't think so.
How
many neuroscientists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only the dumb ones could
do it--the others could not pass the BBB (Brain-Bulb-Barrier)
How
many Gnostic apocrypha writers
does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one mature one, of
the highest level...actually, at that level they ARE 'light bulbs'! ("Illuminators"
I heard them call one another)
How
many Gnostic apocrypha writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, I asked one and he
said they had a sacred text in which the risen Jesus told Thomas (when
they were alone, obviously) that it took 2, working at overtime rates.
When I commented that that sounded a little too 'convenient' to have been
the topic of such a lofty, 1st-century conversation, he said it was true
(but I heard him mutter something like "business is business" under his
breath).
How
many Gnostic apocrypha writers does it take to change a light bulb?
I am afraid to find out.
I called their office ("Gnostic Luminator Organization of Workers"--GLOW)
and they said the job would only take one of their 5 year olds. But they
cautioned me NOT to 'irritate' said child, or the consequences could be
deadly...(plus, they mentioned that if the kid did any carpentry work while
there, that they charged by the board foot, and that if my livestock somehow
increased suddenly, they charged fair market value for the goats.)
How
many Gnostic apocrypha writers does it take to change a light bulb?
They said it would only
take one, but claimed that during the same time they were changing the
bulb, they would also clean the house, cook supper, mow the lawn, housebreak
the puppy, finish out the new garage addition, and speed up my internet
connection...When I was shocked at the claim, and ask "really?!", they
said something cryptic: "Well, the genre lets us make such advertising
claims."...I wonder if he meant 'General'?
How
many Gnostic apocrypha writers does it take to change a light bulb?
They said only one, but
for me not to be shocked if the repair Gnostic metamorphosed into an animal
during the process (he said that in the middle ages they often changed
into Swallows...I asked "European or African?"...he said "what difference
does it make?"...and I proceeded with a discussion of the relationship
between 100watt bulb size, wingspan, and air speed velocity...but I won't
bore you with that...)
How
many first-century charismatic wonder-working Jewish holy-men does it
take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they won't
touch the job unless it was caused by problems with the weather.
How
many Hellenistic miracle
workers does it take to change a light bulb?
I haven't a clue! I have
been looking to find one now for 600 years, but all their phones have been
disconnected...
How
many Hellenistic miracle workers (of the Pythagorean persuasion) does it
take to change a light bulb?
Only one, I am told, but
I am STILL waiting from him to get back to work from 'taking a nap'--it's
already been 5 years...how much longer?! (sigh)...
How
many Hellenistic miracle workers does it take to change a light bulb?
It seems to keep changing:
five years ago, it took 8; last year it took 5...and I am told that in
three years it might only take 2...
How
many Pythagorean wonder-workers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but you have to
have the exactly correct background music playing.
How
many Asclepians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to administer
the sedative to you, one to carry the snake (to lick the bulb), and one
to change it while you're not looking...
How
many Divine Greco-Roman emperors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, and they can do
it miraculously well--but only during campaign season...
How
many Apolloniuses (sp?) does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, supposedly, but
every time he shows up, I somehow ask him a question he doesn't like and
'poof'--he disappears!
How
many Apolloniuses does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but for some reason,
he always dresses up like a Galilean...and tries to speak Hebrew...?
How
many Pythagorases does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, and I don't
want to find out. I had one come in once, and he keep trying to pull his
pants down and show me his 'really interesting thigh' or something--pervert!
How
many 'official court handymen' does it take to change a light bulb?
I asked the court poet that,
but the answer I got back was unconvincing:
"Our Emperor's handyman can do ten-thousand at once;
"And still have time to join Apollo for lunch"
How
many Greco-Roman gods does it take to change a light bulb?
None--they dropped that
'service' a very, very, very long time ago...
How
many Danielic
late-daters does it take to change a light bulb?
They absolutely refuse to
do it. They realized that no matter how good a job they did, someone, somewhere,
sometime later would assert that they didn't do it at all (in spite of all
their hard work)--and that the story of them changing the light bulb was
a later literary fiction, made to look like ancient history. They realized
that no matter what kind of bulb they used (e.g., fluorescent, incandescent,
energy-saving, UV, sunlamp) someone would argue that there was no evidence
that that kind of bulb was used in that apartment complex at that time...and
that therefore the story must be historically false...So, they refused
to do it and walked out...man, am I glad the apartment builders weren't
that smart!-- I'd be sleeping in the rain...
How
many Danielic late-daters does it take to change a light bulb?
Not sure we will ever know.
They are hesitating about taking the job. They expressed worry that someone
might later take their description of the work they performed, and make
it look like a prophecy that they were going
to do it (and the invoice would look like they pre-charged for
the services, which is illegal in our locale...a sort of invoicium
pre eventu).
How
many Danielic late-daters does it take to change a light bulb?
I can't get them to take
my request seriously. I called them up last week (after trying unsuccessfully
for years to get the people described below
to do it!) They asked me how long it had been in need of repair, and I
told them six years (since I started the ThinkTank), and they said 'impossible'.
They said that the only evidence they had that it was burned out was from
my phone call (then in progress), so that today's
date was the only one they could use in determining when the
bulb was actually burned out. And, since it had apparently only been burned
out for a few minutes
(according to their 'logic'), they would have to prioritize their repairs
on the basis of more urgent outages at other residences. I honestly TRIED
to explain about how it apparently burned out when the resident was on
vacation, and that they didn't discover it for months later (the light is
in the corner of the attic), and that they didn't even report it for months
later (when they finally needed the light), and that I had called (unsuccessfully)
many other people before them, and that their firm's name only appeared
in the last edition of the phone book, etc...but they refused to allow
any of this to make them re-date their 'it only burned out today' estimate...But
at least I'm in their datebook now, so maybe, in a couple of years...
How many Form
critics does it take to change a light bulb?
Unfortunately, I cannot
get them to act. I show them the Maintenance Request Form, from the tenant,
requesting the change, but they dismiss it as being a 'pious fraud' created
by big and powerful lightbulb companies who think bulbs should be replaced
BEFORE they burn out...
How
many Form critics does it take to change a light bulb?
I still cannot get them
to take the Request Form seriously! This time they decided that it could
not be authentic since the request had come from the new apartment 10A
and there were no prior incidences of this at all. They concluded that
someone must have borrowed the form from some OTHER apartment, and simply
put the request "on the lips of the tenant in 10A"...
How
many Form critics does it take to change a light bulb?
I still cannot get them
to act! This time they dismissed the darkness as a 'late apocalyptic
image' that obviously was being appropriated to describe something much
less severe, like indigestion or something.
How
many Form critics does it take to change a light bulb?
I still cannot get them
to act! This time they said that there PROBABLY had been some flicker in
a bulb somewhere (or maybe a diming of light from a cloud passing overhead),
but that the oral tradition behind the Maintenance Request Form had developed
so freely that it was now historically impossible to find the actual apartment
in which the problem PERHAPS showed up, and that we could not even be sure
that it had occurred in THIS landlord's tenure.
How
many Form critics does it take to change a light bulb?
I still cannot get them
to take the Maintenance Request Form seriously! This time they detected
a 'contradiction' that was a sure sign of inauthenticity. They summarily
dismissed the Form with the remark that "If the light bulb had been burned
out, the tenant would not have been able to see to fill out the Form, silly!
And arguing that they went into another room would be 'special pleading'
or 'harmonization' of the most tendentious nature!"...go figure...
How
many textual
critics does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't actually change
the bulb, we simply emend
it.
How
many textual critics does it take to change a light bulb?
My professional opinion
is that we should leave the original bulb as it is. The probability of
someone replacing a good bulb with a bad one is much lower than the opposite,
and hence the bad bulb most likely reflects the oldest (and therefore better)
bulb..
How
many midrashic writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fourteen, because the word
for "pelican" has had fourteen cycles of meaning through the ages.
How
many Qumran covenantors does it take to change a light bulb?
they won't do it--too Hellenistic
for them...
How
many apocalyptic-ists does it take to change a light bulb?
Tons--some have to block
the sun, some have to cover the moon with a dust cloud, some have to start
a volcanic eruption, some have to generate the thunderstorm...but when
it is changed, you will never be the same again!!
How
many Talmudic Sages does it take to change a light bulb?
R. Abiva heard from R. Millerstein,
who heard from Rab Josy, who got it from R. David, who got it from Moses,
that it would take three.
Whereupon, R. Marshmallow
said that Moses said 'three' but meant 'two' since "light" has three radicals,
but the vaw in the middle separates the light from the dark.
How
many biblical 'minimalists' does it take to change a light bulb?
Grow up, guy--it never WAS
a unitary light bulb, it was only a pack of fireflies flying randomly around
the room until a fan cut on and they all started flying in synchronization...
How
many pre-Maccabean Jewish writers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There is no need.
Abraham invented the light bulb (right after the plough), and Moses invented
the first eternal light bulb (after inventing irrigation for the Nile).
How
many translators of the LXX does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends rather radically
on whether they were the translators of Daniel or of Jeremiah, don't you
think?!
Added 9/29/97 (from archaeology)
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Generally only one, but
some rooms we can't even get into since 1933.
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding?! Why would
we let them do that?! The broken bulb is a national treasure, pointing
to our rich, rich history and culture. No, we would rather build a shrine
there, and charge admission to see the 'ancient luminosity device'...hmmm,
maybe we could even sell little figurines...
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually they are afraid
to do it...they think that if they remove the top layer bulb, that they
will disturb the (presumed) earlier bulbs that are screwed in beneath the
one that is currently showing...
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it will take
years and years of initial site study...we have to first correlate all
the surrounding furniture and domestic devices, and then decide whether
the anthropological theory about the bulb being a cultic object (based
on its central location in the room, it's being up out of reach--symbolizing
transcendence, and its obviously sun-like shape) is a correct socio-economic
understanding...
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to change
the bulb, and the rest of them to weep about what Thiering, Allegro, Baigent
and Leigh will write about it...
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
No amount of them can do
it, but for an underground antiquities dealer it only takes 5 minutes...
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
501--one to take the old
bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it confirms the biblical record...
How
many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
How many archaeologists does
it take to change a light bulb?
501--one to take the old
bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it dis-confirms the biblical record...(so
much for the univocity of the archaeological record, eh?)
Well, actually, it only
takes a couple to remove the old bulb, but then they get so involved in
studying the old bulb (especially in trying to correlate its appearance
with all other burned-out bulbs within a 1000 km radius), that they never
get around to putting the new bulb in...
Added 1/21/97
How
many leaders
of the Jesus Seminar does it take to change a light bulb?
I really don't think they
can do it anymore; but then again, maybe I am too cynical.
How
many leaders of the Jesus Seminar does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, they couldn't
find the bulb and gave up, muttering something about it must have been
eaten by wild dogs or something like that...
How
many leaders of the Jesus Seminar does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, at first we thought
maybe they could do it, but when they looked at the bulb they decided somehow
that it really wasn't the bulb in question and put it down, and for quite
some time now, they have been in the kitchen trying to 'unscrew' an onion--and
there's not much of it left either...(hmmm...I just noticed something...when
you look at an onion from the side, with its stem still attached, it looks
like a letter from the alphabet...odd)
How
many 'emergent
properties' advocates does it take to change a light
bulb?
I decided not to use them,
after interviewing them. I asked them if they could do it, and they said
'no problem--easy to do'. I asked them HOW they planned to do it, and they
said they would simply start the house on fire, then wait for the heat
to raise the temperature of the light bulb until it reached a far-from-equilibrium
state, and that then 'new bulb properties' would emerge (but that we would
have to keep an intense fire burning in the room forever--to sustain the
emergent property). So, I have them a false address and left...
How
many fractal mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but, good grief!
I let him into the house to start working on the bulb, and by the time
I got back later that day, the single 110V bulb had changed into a 6 level
chandelier, with each level a smaller replica of the previous level...my
energy bills are going to kill me!
How
many self-organizing theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
They say only one or two,
but they refuse to do it unless I can get the media somehow excited about
it...
How
many people from the Santa Fe Institute does it take to change a light
bulb?
Probably only a couple,
but they can't seem to get a repair team organized.
.......................................................................................................
(towards the interest of
fairness and 'equal time'...smile):
How many Intelligent
Designers does it take to change a light bulb?
Looks like I'll never know--I
asked some to do this simple task, and they started talking about how this
'simple task' was actually composed of many, many sub-tasks, each of which
ITSELF was composed of many, many sub-sub-tasks, each of THESE of which
was ITSELF composed of many, many sub-sub-sub-tasks, each of THESE...I
think they are up to 10^5 "subs" now...a living fractal, how kewl...(wish
I could see them better in this darkness, though).
How
many Intelligent Designers does it take to change a light bulb?
Good question, they don't
know yet...every time I ask them about changing the bulb, they keep telling
me that they'll have a process and programme worked out "real soon"...["Where
are we going?"..."Planet Ten!"..."When are we going?"..."Real Soon!!"...]
...............................................................................................
How
many Richard
Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
He won't do it--He cannot
see enough similarities between himself and the bulb.
(or
a more 'abusive' version...smile)
How many Richard Dawkinses
does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, and he does it
INSTANTLY, recognizing his close genetic similarity with an object that
no longer sheds any light...(ouch, see, I told you it was semi-abusive)
How
many Richard Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, and he said he would
be here a year ago, but he hasn't shown. He went off to climb some mountain
somewhere, and apparently it's taking him a lot longer than he originally
thought...
How
many Richard Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
I doubt we'll never know.
Seems he was hospitalized with multiple injuries in a mountaineering accident
recently. Was climbing some mountain somewhere, when a nearby bird sneezed,
the minute sound vibrations of which moved a tiny piece of grass one-half
millimeter, which shifted a micro-breeze a tiny fraction, which blew a
cubic centimeter of dirt out from under a rock, accidentally setting off
a catastrophic avalanche. Freakish accident, really--the chances of that
happening were 1 in 10^18th or something like that...But I guess it was
inevitable....I guess we really shouldn't be surprised by it, after all...
How
many Richard Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
According to his computer
simulation, it only takes twelve of his cells--but he said I would have
to be really, really patient.
How
many Richard Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
He won't commit to even
doing it until he interviews everybody in the building. He muttered something
about seeing how 'like himself' they were, before he would help them...
How
many Richard Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
Probably only one, but he
is so distracted trying to figure out if the chances of his genes (or those
of his relatives) are likely to propagate more
in the dark, or in the
light, that I cannot get him to act...Theorists!!!
How
many Richard Dawkinses does it take to change a light bulb?
Can't say--he refuses to
do it. Says that since other gene-bearing agents before him have not changed
it SO FAR, then apparently it would not be good to change it at all...genes
don't lie, you know...
How
many Natural Selectionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well actually, we won't
even TRY to change the bulb. We will simply stop using the room that has
the burned out bulb, and start using only rooms with FUNCTIONING bulbs.
That way, over time, ....
How
many punctuated equilibrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Actually, they say it cannot
be done-at least not for large light bulbs. But, on the other hand, very
very small bulbs-like those in miniature Christmas trees-CAN be changed,
but ONLY if they are placed in some very isolated spot (like a shoe box
under the bed). The good news is that, if the conditions are right, these
little bulbs change VERY RAPIDLY! (The bad news is they may not be bulbs
when they're done.)
How
many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one (to aim the x-ray
machine) but the bulb changes very, very slowly
How
many Creation Scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it quickly,
and one to point out that no transitional forms occurred at all.
How
many Quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb? (version two)
Depends on the room size--you
need to fill the room first with blind-folded scientists. Then, upon a
signal, they all remove the blindfolds and look toward the general area
of the 'old' bulb. Then, when the waveform collapses, whoever is CLOSEST
to the newly 'congealed' bulb, grabs it, and WITHOUT blinking, makes the
change. Also, this procedure MAY required one additional physicist to remove
a dead cat from the room
How
many particles
does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm...well, if we know
the position of the burned-out light bulb, then we cannot answer this question
with certainty.
How
many particles does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but IF the particle
is a large one, then I has to do it VERY quickly. If a smaller particle,
then it can take its time.
How
many particles (okay, okay--how many 'amplitudes') does it take to change
a light bulb?
Only one, if it is supervised
very carefully by a macro-entity.
How
many fermions does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, no more than one
is allowed--unless the light bulb is exactly on a state line somewhere,
so that the fermions could stand on different sides of the line.
How
many bosons does it take to change a light bulb?
Probably only one or two,
but bosons are so gregarious, we've never seen less than a gaggle try it!
How
many particles does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on how "excited"
they are about the job.
How
many particles does it take to change a light bulb?
On some days, none (e.g.
fortuitous quantum fluctuation days)...
How
many electrons does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be absurd--you have
the question backwards--it's "how many light bulbs does it take to change
an electron" silly!
How
many particles does it take to change a light bulb?
What a futile question!
Don't you realize that any energy exchanged between the change-er and the
change--ee is probably going to be in the form of photons anyway?! With
all that light, why even hassle with changing the bulb?! (Good grief, what
DO they teach these folk in school nowadays?)
How
many Classic Foundationalists (epistemology) does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends on whether the bulb
is incorrigible or not...
How
many chaos theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just get the
butterfly to flap its wings a SECOND time.
How
many cultural constructivists does it take to change a light bulb?
[Actually, they refused
to answer, on the grounds that the joke perpetuated the myth of objectivity
(mumbled something about an 'objective bulb'). Then told me to go read
Durkheim in the dark. Go figure.]
MEANT.
How many Derrida'ists THOUGHT
YOU does
D
E
P
E
N
DS
it take on
WhAt YoU
to change a light bulb?
How
many Inerrantists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, the bulb is not
really broken. If we could see it through 1st century eyes and worldview,
we would see that the bulb is PERFECTLY FINE.
How
many Errantists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be silly. It is impossible
to have a bulb that is free from flaws-they ALL are burned out--if you
look closely enough, with an open mind, and WITHOUT your dogma. You can't
'fix' this problem.
(Contributed
by Prof. John Bigelow of Monash U.)
How many philosophers does
it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on how you define
'change'.
How
many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two--one to bemoan the darkness
until the other redefines something else as light.
How
many Godelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but don't ask me
to prove it.
How
many Classic Idealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one--he prays, God
turns his head to pay attention, the light bulb moves!
How
many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
None-it's a pseudo-problem...light
bulbs give off light (hence the name)...if the bulb was broken and wasn't
giving off light, it wouldn't be a 'light bulb' now would it? (oh, where
has rigor gone?!)
How
many Reformed epistemologists does it take to change a light bulb?
1.37--and that needs no
explanation because it is a properly basic belief.
How
many monists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be silly, there is
only ONE monist...
How
many deconstructionists does it take to change a light bulb?
On the contrary, the NILE
is the longest river in Africa.
How
many liberation theologians does it take to change a light bulb?
None--WE shot out the bulb
in the name of Christian revolution!
How
many Kantians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two to change the phenomenal
bulb; and one to explain that we might not have actually changed the bulb-an-sich
at all.
How
many Nietzschians does it take to change a light bulb?
.00001
How
many Heraclitians does it take to change a light bulb?
None--it's never the same
light bulb again anyway
How
many Process philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one really fast one--to
stand in front of the bulb and block it from prehending the attribute of
'brokenness' in the next 1/32nd of a second!
How
many Humean's does it take to change a light bulb?
None--since the bulb actually
contains a gaseous substance, and thus contains no 'abstract reasoning
concerning quantity or number' nor any 'experimental reasoning concerning
matters of fact and existence' it will simply be removed and thrown in
the fire...
How
many speech act theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you really want to know
or are you simply asking me to change it?
How
many philosophers of language does it take to change a light bulb?
None--we can't see the referent
through the opacity of the phrase 'light bulb'.
How
many phenomenologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only a couple, but by the
time they get through with it, the 100-watt bulb has been reduced to a
night light.
How
many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, they won't do
it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure
they're really in the dark...
How
many modal logicians does it take to change a light bulb?
In WHICH world?
How
many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, why fight it?
How
many Anselmists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one is NECESSARY.
How
many Aristotelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Exactly four (it's a causality
thing)
How
many theodicists does it take to change a light bulb?
100-one to change the bulb,
and 99 to explain why an infinite God of love would allow darkness to occur
in the world at all
How
many solipcists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually there are none
left in existence...they simply "solipcided away"
How
many fallibilists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but I COULD be wrong
about that.
How
many Epicureans does it take to change a light bulb?
None-they're too busy taking
advantage of the darkness!
How
many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
None-the bulb is just at
one dialectical pole between 'bright' and 'dark'--it will eventually synthesize
these into at least some dim glow for us...
How
many Cartesians does it take to change a light bulb?
None--unfortunately, when
the bulb blew out, they were all so shocked that they stopped thinking
for that brief moment--and 'poof', they all just blinked out of existence.
How
many Kuhnian constructionist philosophers of science does it take to change
a light bulb?
You're still thinking in
terms of 'incremental change'--what we really need is paradigm shift...we
don't need a bulb with more attributes added on, we need ubiquitous luminescence.
How
many decision theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
PROBABLY two.
.........................................................................
added 10/11/97 (from Reader
submissions)
How
many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb
and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon
of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.
How
many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains
the seeds of its own revolution.
How
many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb,
and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.
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